Pay close attention to the rules that we bestow in Disarming the Dragon for this is how you’ll meet the Dragon on her own terms (in a roundabout way). In reality you’ll always be playing it close to the vest whether the issue is religion, television, money, childrearing or yes, even flatulence. This is self-preservation at its finest! 

Here’s a highly-condensed, yet salty taste of what you’ll find in the upcoming edition:

Unless She Requests Otherwise, Call the Dragon “Mom”
If you’re uncomfortable calling your mother-in-law “Mom” take pleasure in knowing that you are employing the acronym for Mollifying the Obstreperous Mother-in-Law, i.e,, M.O.M., and savor your secret sobriquet! 

Carry On About Being a Size LARGE
When the Dragon phones from her thorny nest to ask what size you are (in order to buy you an item of clothing you probably won’t like anyway), do not respond with “medium” or -- heaven forbid -- “small” or you’ll end up with an “XXL” garment for sure. Telling M.O.M. you’re a size “large” will ensure that you receive at least a medium!

Construct a Moat Around Culinary Embattlements
Attack la bete noire’s culinary feats with a pincer maneuver. Eat small portions from her cholesterol-laden menu, chewing slowly to give the impression you are luxuriating in the evening’s repast of liver & onions and heaps of mashed potatoes. Prattle about anything that comes to mind to distract the Dragon.  Lavish praise on the cuisine “A La Dragonista”. Then while everyone else is chomping away, discreetly feed bits of liver to the dog!

Never Answer Questions While the Dragon Watches JEOPARDY®
M.O.M. will find a way to make you feel self-conscious for letting your grasp of the English language, trivia, pop-culture and general knowledge ranging from geography to astronomy shine, and it would behoove you to attempt to squelch all traces of your education in her presence lest the Dragon decapitate you with her gargantuan fangs for knowing who wrote A Streetcar Named Desire.

Learn The Codes of Conduct Regarding Flatulence While in Proximity to the Dragon
Dragon Slayers occasionally, only occasionally, mind you, fall prey to unbecoming bodily functions. Like flatulence. Try to hold it in the next time you're within the radius of a football field of your antediluvian-in-law. Better yet, don't hold it in; let it all hang out.  Flatulence provides the perfect escape route from the Dragon's primeval scorn.

Wax Poetic on the Wonder of the Dragon’s Housekeeping Heroism
 First, denounce your home as a “disaster area.” Second, always gush over the winged creature’s
spotless lair.  After years of hearing the amphibian carry on about the chaotic state of your humble abode, do everything you can to make it as neat as possible before a visit even if it means hiring a cleaning service.  Upon M.O.M’s arrival slavishly assure her that you have already investigated HGTV® shows to sign up for such as Before and After®, Designers' Challenge® and What's With That House? ®

Never Criticize Your Husband to any True-Blue Dragon
No matter how upset you may be with your betrothed, do not tell M.O.M. about it.  She will immediately take his side (DUH!) and you will end up with swampy pie in your face. Save your marital gripes for your friends, your own mother, your therapist and your trusty Disarming the Dragon journal.

Never Let Your Husband Catch You Imitating La Dragonista’s Voice
We can't be the only two women who do impressions of our obstreperous mother-in-law's oh-so mellifluous tonalities. We bet it's something daughters-in-law are doing all over the world -- just don't do it within earshot of your husband.  He can imitate the Kraken's cackling to his heart's content but, hypocritical though it may be, he will not find humor in your doing the same. Save the impersonations for your fellow Dragon Slayers!

Allow the Dragon to Presume SHE is the One Having Your Baby
As soon as you announce you are expecting, M.O.M. will jump up and down, run around the house, and clamor (as her eyes well up with tears). "I've waited so long for this!  I can't believe we finally have a bun in the oven!  Yippie!  I hope it's a boy."  She will then hog the phone and proceed to round up her cabal of Dragonistas to brag about “her” pregnancy

Never Say Anything Derogatory About the Dragon In Front Of Your Child
You will PRAY that your ragamuffin will not remember your carelessness. Fat chance!  The next time she’s on the phone with M.O.M. she will breezily babble, “Mommy says you eat bad food and look like a sick fish!” making you a sitting duck once more for the Firedrake’s ire.